Zoë Hoyle
Office of Research
4/4/01

UT Center for Excellence in Centaur Studies: A Unique Opportunity to Increase Federal Funding

Zoë Hoyle
Office of Research


Introduction: Today, you have heard three examples of the fine interdisciplinary centaur research that is attracting international attention to UT. In recognition of this truly unique area of expertise, I am here today -- in an unofficial capacity, of course -- to advocate for the immediate formation of the UT Center of Excellence in Centaur Studies (CECS) as a particularly effective strategy to reach our goal of becoming a top research institution.

BECOMING A TOP 25 RESEARCH UNIVERSITY

As you know one of UT's major goals is to become one of the top 25 public research universities within the next five years.

WHAT EXACTLY DOES IT MEAN TO BE IN THE TOP 25?

More specifically, what criteria are we using to determine our ranking? This question was definitively answered in an article in that venerable publication, The Beacon, on February 21 of this year.

The rankings in which we seek to rise come from tables published each year by the National Science Foundation detailing R&D Expenditures in science and engineering at public colleges and universities -- more specifically, they come from the list of the FEDERALLY financed R&D expenditures at public universities and colleges.

Note that it is FEDERAL funding that will define our ranking -- and that this largely excludes funding in areas such as arts, humanities, business, law, etc.

NSF runs about two years behind in publishing these strategically important figures. The latest available list -- preliminary data only -- is for FY 1999, the period from July 1, 1998 through June 30, 1999.

FY1999 FIGURES

In FY1999 list, UT is ranked 46th with $70.2 million in federal funding.

For the same year, the University of Virginia -- one of our eight THEC-defined peers -- ranks at the coveted #25 with $108.5 in federal funding.

In the number one position is the University of Washington, with a daunting $386.1 million in federal funding.

STRATEGY

So, how can we move up past the University of Virginia, into the top 25?

Do the math! To even surpass UVA in the 99 figures we have to add at least $50 million a year in federal funding -- a one-year rise of 66%. We're doing well this year: we climbed about $25 million, or over 28%. But that doesn't quite get us there.

One strategy is to identify areas of present strength in order to target federal agencies with big pots of money.

PROJECTED FEDERAL FUNDING BY AGENCY

This slide shows the projected budgets for top federal agencies over the next 5 years. You will notice that all of the major agencies shown will be experiencing flat or declining budgets except for one -- the National Institutes of Health.

HOW WILL A CENTER OF EXCELLENCE IN CENTAUR STUDIES (CECS) HELP US GET MORE NIH FUNDING?

The central focus of the Center will be the Centaur Genome project, specifically geared to attract NIH funding.

Interdisciplinary studies involving scholars in the sciences, arts, humanities, and social sciences will "flesh out" our funding opportunities with other agencies such as NSF, NEH, DOE, and others.

WHAT GIVES US THE EDGE OVER OTHER EMERGING CENTERS?

UT has the only known repository of centaur skeletal and tissue samples.

Our new Center for Genomics and Bioinformatics as well as the Joint Institute for Computational Science (JICS) will give us the ability to sequence the centaur genome and begin comparative studies with the human and mouse genomes within the next two years.

Our Forensic Anthropology Center is home to a comprehensive database of human skeletal remains: a parallel database will be established to study the unique centaur skeleton.

Our Center for Livestock Disease and Human Health in the College of Veterinary Medicine is a natural place to begin doing cross-species studies that may result in new discoveries -- and in the all-important design of new drugs.

Our collaboration with the Oak Ridge National Laboratory, of course, provides us with more opportunities for high-intensity biomedical research.

POSSIBLE CENTAUR GENOME PROJECTS INCLUDE

Stem cells: Using centaur stem cells may give us another way around using human fetal cells.

Aging: Centaurs traditionally live to be 200 to 300 years old. Genetic studies may reveal a new source for the anti-aging products so important to our culture.

Neuroscience: As Neil Greenberg noted in his 1998 lecture before this august company, the centaur mind "represents the ideal natural experiment in the cerebral integration of the animal and human."

I would like to make an important note here that success in any or all of these studies depends on access to living centaurs, tissue collections, and medical records.

INTERDISCIPLINARY PROJECTS

The following projects incorporate many of our strengths in psychological and social sciences research and have specific potential for attracting NIMH funding.

Substance abuse and addiction: Today's talks have demonstrated the centrality of psychoactive substances in centaur culture, and to a darker, unrestrained side that suggests widespread addiction. Efforts to find genetic markers for centaur addiction may provide clues to these problems in the human sphere.

Closely related to this first topic are studies in violence and impulsivity. Is it the animal or human in centaurs that has led to their reputation as violent brutes?

Two of today's speakers -- Keith McClelland and Tom Hood -- have shown how important the party is to centaur culture. Understanding the party as a social construct could lead to a new understanding of how to prevent, ameliorate -- or channel -- the impulsive and sometime violent behaviors that have caused centaurs to be viewed -- rightly or wrongly -- as the ultimate party animals.

The animal-human bond, covered by Dr. New, is an area with limitless potential -- and a promising crossroads for interaction between human and centaur researchers.

SO WHAT IS HOLDING US BACK?

THERE ARE INSTITUTIONAL BARRIERS

The most important barrier to funded centaur research is the simple fact that U.S. government agencies do not accept the existence of centaurs as a separate species.

In terms of gaining NIH funding, we would be stopped before we could ever submit a grant by the fact that the NIH refuses to assign centaurs to either the animal or human subjects category.


WHY DOES THE GOVERNMENT NOT ACCEPT THE EXISTENCE OF CENTAURS?

This is largely the result of the centaurs' thousand-year-long retreat from public view in response to human efforts to demonize, marginalize -- and in some cases, extirpate -- centaur culture. The largest known group of centaurs lives in Iceland, with small pockets -- or herds -- secreted in Madagascar, the Farallon Islands and other remote areas.

In 1900, the federation of centaur herdings -- in response to widespread incidents of centaurs being sold into service as horses -- voted to end all communications with the human species.

Even though incommunicado with humans, centaurs have developed a highly advanced Internet community. They continue to monitor human culture, and are aware -- and wary-- of human interest in tapping their genome for information.

In 1998, in response to revived interest in centaur research from the human research community, centaurs in Iceland formed the Centaurs for the Ethical Treatment of Hippomorphs, or CETH. We think our posting of the first Centaur Symposium on the Web may have actually prompted this.

CETH

Although based in Iceland, CETH -- with a recent board meeting seen here -- relies heavily on the virtual community of the Internet. To further strengthen its initiatives, CETH actively recruits human members of the "fringe" sort, mostly through science fiction and fantasy websites.

CETH INITIATIVES

In 1999, CETH demanded the repatriation of all centaur remains under the International Centaur Remains Protection Act (ICRPA) enacted at The Hague that same year.

In 2000, CETH began negotiations with Kari Stefansson, the guru of Iceland's deCode Genetics reputed to have centaur lineage himself, in an unprecedented move to patent not only the entire centaur genome, but access to completed sequences.

In a parallel move, CETH has granted deCode exclusive access to centaur medical records in Iceland.

Meanwhile, many centaurs are disturbed that their members are communicating with humans at all. Some Icelandic centaurs have organized into a radical splinter herd, calling itself the Centaur Liberation Front, led by Mary "Aphrodite" Rennpferd.

THE CENTAUR LIBERATION FRONT

The CLF has infiltrated facilities disguised as either horses or humans, and has already been implicated in the destruction and theft of centaur materials in European repositories.
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    Their American operative, Mick "The Body" Saumpferd is considered highly dangerous. He is known to frequent university bars and pool halls, combining his horsy seductiveness with the use of hallucinogens to gain access to research facilities.
    Mick has been tied to the destruction of centaur tissue samples under study at ORNL. Last week's reports of a "nude galloping man" on Cherokee Boulevard, discounted as Spring Break fantasies by the police, have local centaur researchers worried.

HOW CAN WE MOVE FORWARD IN THE FACE OF THIS POTENTIALLY EXPLOSIVE SITUATION?

First of all, we can become the first U.S. institution to affirm the existence of the centaur nation and to support centaur demands for respectful treatment.

We can establish partnerships for research with centaur scientists and pursue collaborations with deCode Genetics on basic biomedical research.

We can actively recruit centaur researchers, graduate students and postdocs, working with the local community to ensure that they are not mistreated or discriminated.

With other institutions, we can lobby with the NIH to quickly establish a special designation for centaurs with human subjects-level protection.

Once we have taken these steps, we will be positioned as the premier institution for centaur research. This will open the door for $100s of millions in funding from the NIH, other federal agencies, foundations, and biotech and pharmaceutical companies.